How do you put a red-letter Bible on an audio cassette?

The Wittenburg Door has gathered a strange collection of classified ads for religious products that can take some weird turns.

Bible lovers can buy the Red-Letter Edition Bible on audio cassette (maybe it's also available on CD). How do you do that? you ask. According to the manufacturer, "Christ's words are emphasized in heavenly sounds." Download that in your ipod and certainly you'll be filled with the Spirit. For the spirit-filled golfer, there's the praying hands golf tees. For the woman who wants her legs to send the right message to those watching, there's the gold cross fragrant pantyhose, with a gold cross stitched on the calf of every pair. There's a salon that wants to hire a spirit-filled hairstylist to "stand in the gap" and a spirit-filled manicurist for "laying on of hands."

The daffy and dumb don't discriminate against denominations. There are products for all kinds of churches. For those who baptize infants, there's the baby tuxedo for stylish christening. For those who immerse believers later, there is the "Baptistry Couch" that lowers you into the water "quietly, beautifully and easily." Either way, for only $7.00 you might want to pick up the Jordan River baptismal set, complete with certificate for framing that you've used holy water from the Jordan River.

In Missouri, a company advertises Christian Book and Gift Parties by saying, "If you walked into 90% of America's homes you couldn't tell whether they were Christians are not-- but you can change that." Their solution is to sell Christian books and gifts. This last ad represents the reason most of these ads are ridiculous. The sign that a home is Christian is not what products they have on their coffee tables, but what proceeds from their mouths as you share a cup of coffee. You can tell the driver in the lane ahead of you is Christian not from what his bumper sticker says but from how he drives. While there is nothing wrong with buying Christian products, it's our lifestyle, not hyped up products, that best witness to our faith.

The apostle John said it well: "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth" (1 John 3:18, NIV). No red letters are needed for that verse. It's clear in black and white.

Copyright 2008 by Bob Rogers.

Worship now; beat the Easter rush!

When I was growing up, my father was a chaplain in the U.S. Army. Each Sunday after my Dad preached, I proudly stood by his side at the door as he shook hands with people who were leaving. I would count how many people came out the door, and then give him a report when we got home. I'll never forget the count one Easter at an Army post in Germany. On Palm Sunday I counted 175, but on Easter Sunday I counted 500! Dad said, "the regular folks were lost amongst the visitors." Then the Sunday after Easter, I counted 175 again. I didn't understand it then, and even today as a 50-year-old preacher I still don't understand it-- if people really believe Jesus arose from the dead, then why don't they rise from the bed on more Sundays than just Easter to come to church?

A church had on its marquee the week before Palm Sunday: "Beat the Easter rush. Come to church this Sunday!"

I heard a story that makes the same point. It was Palm Sunday and, because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. The boy asked what the branches were for.

"People held them over Jesus' head as He walked by," they explained.

"Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I don't go, He shows up!"

While this story is fictional, it teaches a truth. Jesus might just show up some Sunday when you least expect Him. Don't you want to be there when His presence is felt in power at your church?

The Bible says that one of the disciples, Thomas, was absent when Christ appeared to them on the evening of that first Easter, and Thomas missed seeing Jesus. Thankfully, he was there the next week when Christ appeared again, and he saw the Lord (John 20:19-29). So don't wait until Easter to worship; you never know who might show up this Sunday!

Copyright 2008 by Bob Rogers.