Pastor thinks he's in Popeye's Fried Chicken

I love bulletin bloopers, especially announcements that sound okay until you read them out loud. For example, an oft-quoted church bulletin blooper described a ladies group collecting used clothes. The announcement said, "The ladies of the church have cast off clothes of every kind, and they may be seen in the church basement Friday afternoon."

That blooper is funny because we know that the last thing you expect to see women do in church is "cast off" their clothes. After all, 1 Timothy 2:9 says, "the women are to dress themselves in modest clothing, with decency and good sense."

Different churches have different opinions about what is appropriate clothing in church, but most would agree with the verse above. As a Christian t-shirt says, "Modest is hottest." Unfortunately, this verse is forgotten by many churchgoers today.

A pastor in New Orleans who wants to remain anonymous (for reasons you will understand in a moment) said he was horrified at how some of the women in his church dress with so little clothing. They come in wearing these short skirts and when they sit down, the hem slides up to you-know-where. And the low necklines bothered him, too. He said, "I think sometimes I'm in Popeye's Fried Chicken because all I can see are legs and thighs and breasts."

As Hebrews 12:2 reminds us, we need to keep our eyes on Jesus. Especially in church.

(Copyright 2011 by Bob Rogers.)

Top Ten Things NOT to Give for Father's Day

In the old days before cell phones and national calling plans, telephone companies reported that the largest number of “collect” calls were made on Father’s Day. For the younger generation who don’t know what I’m talking about, that means Dad got a call and he had to pay for it!

Which caused me to wonder… what are the worst things a man could get for Father’s Day? Drum roll, please. Here it is….the Top Ten Things you should NOT give Dad for Father’s Day.

10. Necktie

9. “World’s Best Dad” coffee mug

8. “World’s Best Dad” t-shirt with a picture of Darth Vader

7. “World’s Best Dad” certificate signed by a Lazy Son or Daughter

6. The book, Fatherhood for Dummies.

5. A text message saying “Happy Father’s Day.”

4. Nose and ear hair trimmer

3. Big Mouth Billy the Bass singing fish

2. Book a cruise and charge it to Dad’s credit card.

1. Nothing.

Yep. Nothing. The worst gift of all is to forget Father’s Day and fail to call or say anything about it. Even a text message is better than nothing at all.

Having said that, what are the BEST gifts a Dad could get? From my informal survey of men, here’s my list of the Top Ten Best Gifts for Father’s Day.

10. Gear for his favorite hobby: golf clubs, fishing gear, etc.

9. Tickets to go with him to his favorite sports event

8. Spend the day with him at the beach or a park.

7. Write a letter telling your Dad why he’s the best.

6. Tell Dad “thank you” for all the things he does, and list what those things are

5. Pray for him every day and call him at least once a week and tell him you’re praying for him.

4. Give him a hug and tell him, “I love you.”

3. Let him sit in an easy chair and wait on him hand and foot all day long.

2. Bring the grandchildren to visit. (Did I mention that I’m going to be a grandfather?)

1. Accept Christ, and be baptized with your Dad on Father’s Day.

The last verse of the Old Testament prophesies, “He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers.” (Malachi 4:6, HCSB) It doesn’t get any better than that!

(Copyright 2011 by Bob Rogers)